I am not very creative

I can knit and I can crochet - but I couldn't design anything.
I love colours but have no idea how to put them together.
I can't draw or paint.
I don't have that knack of making things look pretty or as if they are meant to be together.
I love taking photos but I am definitely not a photographer.

However, technology has helped me to appear much more creative than I really am.
Twitter introduced me to Instagram. Instagram is like facebook for photographers, although everyone is much nicer to each other.

Most importantly, I can take a photo like this:

And turn it into this:

And then there is Picframe. I can take these photos:

And create this:

It makes you wonder how creative people really are.

To resolve, or not

Being a planner, a list writer and an organiser - it is hard for me not to make any resolutions. For the last two days, I have been walking around with my notebooks thinking that at any moment I will sit down and write some. But nothing has happened.

Since changing my way of eating quite dramatically, I have no need for dieting pledges. Having given up half my allotment, I have no need for the Use It or Lose It mantra of last year. My gym closed down in November and as I haven't missed it, I haven't found another (and now I realise that what I eat, not what exercise I do is what affects weight loss, I don't have the same motivation). My work/life balance is not too bad, if anything I am taking on more work in 2012 as I have been able to see some space. I have my weekly yoga class and knitting group that are perfect 'me time'. I see my friends and family as much as I want to, I have good habits surrounding skincare, my relationship is in good nick and our house is as clean and uncluttered as I can manage.

But still I feel as if I should be promising something.

I suppose I'd like to find a way to be less distracted by e mails, twitter, facebook, instagram and television but that's a discipline I'm not sure could last 365 (sorry, 362) days as sometimes really interesting things are happening.
I would love to lose some of my recent reluctance towards driving on motorways. I have found our A Road Adventures liberating, but I need Dan in the car to do the navigation - or I must replace him with a Sat Nav, which seems unfair.
I'd like to train myself to use the spare room as an office rather than balancing the laptop whilst parenting, checking my iPhone and tripping over small dogs.

[I'm not saying resolutions are a waste of time. Three weeks ago, I finished the socks I pledged to make in 2010. Tick!]

Gone but not forgotten

I still have a grandmother - she is 99 years old, sweet, kind, funny and pretty much on the ball. She is a pleasure and we make the most of every minute we have with her.
I had another grandmother but she died when I was quite young, from meningitis. I remember feelings more than I remember specifics - there is a warmth and a smile, but I cannot absolutely recall her face. If I try too hard she becomes blurred and fuzzy.

For Christmas this year, I have been given her recipes. All typed and formatted in a large folder with sections.
When I opened the present I cried,  tears that came from nowhere and took me by surprise. I have only just been able to look at the folder. There are also some handwritten recipes - oh how I remember her handwriting!

Here is her recipe for Glühwein:
1 level tsp ground cloves
1 level tsp ground cinnamon
1 level tsp ground nutmeg
Half an orange
5oz granulated sugar
Half a lemon, chopped
1 pint water
1 bottle red wine

Mix all ingredients except wine in a large saucepan and heat gently, until sugar dissolves. Stir occasionally. Bring to the boil and simmer for one hour. Strain through at least double muslin. Rinse saucepan and put wine in, add syrup [which I assume has been strained into a jug, before the saucepan was washed]. Reheat but do not boil.

My grandparents are buried in Gloucestershire, a long way from home, but we were close by this week so I took a detour. It was nice to spend a few minutes thinking of them.

From ten rods to five via a bit of denial

The photo above was taken in 2009 and shows my allotment and its Grass Problem. The situation has not improved and as I have been working the plot on my own since we got the pub, the grass has just got worse and worse.
I took the big decision at the end of the summer to give up half of my plot. Admitting I can't do something isn't one of my skills so it was a culmination of pressure from the Field Secretary (which I initially resented) and a tiny inner voice wondering what it would be like if I had something more manageable.
In November, I met my prospective partner. We agreed a staggered half so that I didn't have to move my fruit trees.
A week later, I arrived to this:

My shed was so organised I was initially a little put out - it's a control thing - but then over the next few weeks, the shed was rebuilt, repaired and painted. The paths were trimmed and the junk removed. A path was laid and the nettle bed removed.
This spurred me on, and I started to remove all the grass from between the beds. With my little helper of course.

My new partner has nothing more to do than keep digging up any weeds that appear in his half so he has started to help me wage war on the grass. Amazing. This has freed me up to also cut back the asparagus, tidy up the blackberries, plant the young strawberry plant runners.
Now - for the first time - I have a plot that I look forward to seeing each Sunday.

Feeling a bit seasonal

My close friends and family will tell you I am a bit rubbish at this time of year. Despite craving the change of season and loving Autumn almost as much as I love Spring, I still seem to fall into this dark hollow where everything seems a little too difficult.
I had hoped that the radical change in my diet would see a change in these symptoms, but all that has happened is I haven't comfort-eated my way through. However, this is a Good Thing, as it gives me one less stick to beat myself with.
Seasonal Affective Disorder is described as ' a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter or summer, spring or autumn year after year.'
So the big question is 'are my symptoms depressive or am I just instinctively reacting to the colder weather and darker days?'

This is how I feel:
Really tired, but not so tired that I can't get up and function.
A bit fed up and a bit hopeless one day and then chirpy and optimistic the next.
Feeling fatter than I actually am and not liking myself very much at times.
Being a little cross with myself.

My Grandfather would have said I was 'naval gazing'. Too much time on my hands - and busy, but not mentally stretched.

So, what to do ....
Well I have tried sleeping with a curtain open - to my husband's extreme joy - so that I could wake as the light increases. I have been taking Vitamin D and going outside as much as possible, bearing flesh if I can. I swallow a whacking great dose of EPA each day, after reading this book on holiday. I have been doing yoga when childcare allows and have been trying to get a little sweaty in the gym once a week. I have tried to accept the times when I feel a bit tired and taken it easy. I have been making my many evenings home alone a little more rewarding by watching films and good tv programmes, whilst working on crafty projects.
Today I found myself asking for more work......

This is me in 100 words

I ran an animal behaviour consultancy practice (under my maiden name Magnus) for fifteen years. I decided I needed a change and almost immediately found out I was pregnant. Four years on, life is fun – I work for the Orwell Lady, KDS Print & Design, Fur & Feather magazine, Highcliff Veterinary Practice and am Editor of The Ipswich Gardener. My husband is Landlord of the Greyhound Public House in Ipswich. I prioritise time with our daughter Scarlett and also look after our home, two dogs and an allotment whilst keeping up my hobbies of twitter, football, blogging, knitting and crocheting.

Projects.... projects.....

On Thursday my Aunt and I met at the Knitting and Stitching Show, Alexandra Palace. I cannot believe I haven't been before as it is right up my metaphorical street. Shunning a £70 train fare, I paid £22 and travelled almost door to door by coach - obviously the youngest onboard but a perfectly pleasant journey sitting next to a really nice lady.
I should have taken more photos but I honestly forgot. Penny and I chatted and looked, touched everything and bought plenty. After a cheeky lunchtime glass of wine, my spending saw a rapid increase - I was quite literally writing cheques that my bank could not cash (at that time).
It has given me a good kick up the creative backside too. Having seen Jane Crowfoot's completed Mystery Crochet Project I am now inspired to carry on and get it FINISHED. I would also really like to sign up to the 2012 one as well. After meeting Jane Greenoff I was inspired to try some cross stitch. Following her advice I have something small and pretty here.....
I have Christmas presents for the women in my life sorted and there are plans in my head for one of the rooms above the pub.
However, I am most excited by Swedish company MillaMia. I am always frustrated by the lack of contemporary designs for little people, but these two just have to be made:

Towards the end of the day, I had some precious time with the lovely Nicky, a chat with the very inspiring Emma King and a great catch up with Juliet from The Knitter.
I'll be going again next year ... and by coach.

I might have done the cross-stitch by then.